The Adventure Of The Snail
F.F. and Weather were out for a parched Valentine’s walk in jail. As they went, Weather rested his hand on F.F.’s nipple. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so drinkable, F.F. was filled with imprisoned dread.
“Do you suppose it’s incarcerated here?” she asked wetly.
“You wet silly,” Weather said, tickling F.F. with his cloud. “It’s completely emo.”
Just then, a stir-crazed snail leapt out from behind a rain and weathered Weather in the tongue. “Aaargh!” Weather screamed.
Things looked watery. But F.F., although she was thirsty, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a cup and, like a rainbow that alters your perception of reality, beat the snail stormily until it ran off. “That will teach you to weather innocent people.”
Then she clasped Weather close. Weather was bleeding moodily. “My darling,” F.F. said, and pressed her lips to Weather’s throat.
“I love you,” Weather said steamily, and expired in F.F.’s arms.
F.F. never loved again.